Be slow to speak

The instinct to want to speak up about what we believe can be a good one. However this instinct—like many others—can be so quickly corrupted and misused. 

The value of being slow to speak is an important theme in the book of Proverbs.

Take for starters, Proverbs 10:19.

“When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who holds back his lips has insight.”

There is tremendous value in silence, when a discussion or problem is before us, it can feel that the right response is to jump in with our opinion. However when we wait before we speak we give ourselves time to think, fully grasp the situation and give a wise answer. In fact, being slow to speak may be the fastest way to actually helping others.  It gives our words more weight. Being quick to speak, on the other hand, simply puts us in danger of speaking foolishly and helping no one.

Not only does being slow to speak give us time to think about what we say, it gives us time to think whether we will say anything at all. Proverbs 12:23 says, “A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims folly.” Similarly in Proverbs 10:20, “The tongue of the righteous is as choice silver, the heart of the wicked is worth little.”

Just because we know an answer does not mean that we should give it immediately. Wisdom is not just knowing answers, but knowing when to give them. 

Our contribution should be valuable, not just noticeable. It’s easy to have a noticeable contribution, any fool can do that. A valuable contribution, however, takes patience and thought.  Young men do not generally come pre-packed with insight and wisdom. Words of value do not just flow out of us. They will only flow from us if we are slow to speak. If our aim is to be helpful, we will be slow to speak and sometimes may find that the wisest thing is to not speak at all.

When we are slow to speak, we also get the value of other people’s perspectives. We can learn from James here: “everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak” (James 1:19). When we are the last to make our contribution, we will not only be more thought out but we will have gained the insight of everyone else involved in the discussion. Hearing first and then speaking will save us from saying things that are foolish or have been proved to be unhelpful by a previous contribution. 

To become slow to speak is hard. I know it is something I struggle with. In order to properly practise this, we must be humble. We must recognise our weakness, our tendency to say the first thing that comes to our mind and we must confess how often we’ve said foolish, hurtful or simply unhelpful things. 

Pride can so quickly corrupt a good instinct. We can go from wanting to give helpful answers and good advice, to wanting to be known as one who always has a helpful answer and always has good advice. We make it about ourselves and our reputation instead of helping others. 

Again, listening keeps us from pride. No one needs to know that you are smart. No one needs to know how much scripture you know. This is something I have to remind myself of constantly. It befits us to listen, to hear everyone’s perspective, then, after learning from others, we’ll speak in a more helpful, less self-exalting way. 

Proverbs 10:14 says, “Wise men store up knowledge, But the mouth of the ignorant fool draws ruin near.” We store up knowledge by being slow to speak. If we do this it will save us from speaking thoughtlessly, from being fools who simply ‘proclaim folly’ (Proverbs 12:23). It will make us more thoughtful, insightful, wise men.