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As the summer begins and the prospect of many different Christian conferences, social events, and holidays lies before you, perhaps you are thinking “This will be the summer I meet her. This will be the year I get the girlfriend I have been longing for.” It could well be. But it could also be the summer you break a girl’s heart or stumble a sister in the Lord by your careless behaviour. I want to bring some scriptures before you to consider, which I trust will help you to act wisely for the blessing of both yourself and your sisters in Christ.
1. Firstly, 1 Corinthians 10:14 commands us to “flee from idolatry.” I wonder has getting a girlfriend become an all-consuming desire in your heart? Has your need “to be complete” taken the chief place in your heart? Do you desire her more than Christ? Has going out with someone become an idol?
You are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10). He is the One who truly satisfies. Looking for a girlfriend/finding a wife must be done with an attitude of submission to God’s will. His way is best. His timing is good. Now may not be the right time. God may still have more to do in you, to let you mature into a man of God, before he brings your future wife into your life.
Sadly, I have known too many who have rushed after their heart’s desires to their own spiritual detriment. They have made having a girlfriend more important than following the Lord, obeying His word or serving in their local assembly of believers. This has not only been to the local assembly’s spiritual loss, but has also robbed the Lord of the glory He deserves in our lives.
2. Remember that every girl is made in God’s image and is infinitely valuable to Him (Genesis 1:27). She is God’s creature. Her body is precious whatever shape or size it is, for she bears the fingerprints of God. Don’t take your standards of beauty from the world. See the beauty of “a gentle and a quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:4). External appearance isn’t everything. It changes. 2 Corinthians 4:18 reminds us that “the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” Take time to discern her character and values. This is what really matters.
In addition to this, keep in mind that every Christian girl has been purchased by the blood of Christ. She belongs to Him, she has been gifted by His Spirit and He has a plan for her life. She is not to be treated as an object, someone to entertain you, to boost your ego and feed your sinful lust (1 Cor 10:6,8). She has her own relationship with the Lord which is as important as your’s.
3. Your behaviour could cause a sister in Christ to stumble in her walk with the Lord. In Romans 14:15 Paul warns the Roman Christians not to “destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died.” Their careless behaviour in the matter of what they permitted themselves to eat could lead another astray, and ultimately cause them to sin, breaking their fellowship with the Lord, and ruining their ability to serve Him. It is possible you could do the same to a sister in Christ. By an unkind comment, by being insincere in your interest in her, by playing with her emotions, by treating her as an object which can be discarded when your interest wanes, you could leave her questioning God’s goodness and love. You could injure her spirit and damage her ability to serve her Lord.
You are not just looking for a pretty date. You are looking for a wife, a woman to sacrificially love and cherish, who will help you as you grow in your knowledge of the Lord Jesus and His Word, as you serve God and if God wills, as you raise a family in an anti-Christian world.
Relationships must be entered seriously with this as the potential outcome. If you are not ready to look for a wife, then stop looking for a girlfriend until you are. You will save both yourself and your sisters in Christ a lot of heartbreak and regret.
4. Finally, one of the key passages in God’s word that I would encourage you to meditate on is 1 Timothy 5:1-2 which calls us to treat “younger women as sisters with all purity.” Our standards for interacting with them are not to be the world’s standards. Our behaviour when we are dating is not to be like our classmates or our work colleagues. We are to remember we are all members of God’s family and our relationships must keep the other’s relationship with Christ always in view. Is my behaviour affecting her relationship with Christ? Is it leading her into sin, or temptation to sin? Is it leading her to act against her conscience?
On top of this, every aspect of our relationship must be with all purity. You are not married until you have said “I do”, and your girlfriend’s body is not for you to enjoy or lust over. We must not behave in such a way that inflames our lusts or leads us into temptation. “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). My words, messages, and any physical touch must be with all purity. Not flirtatious, not suggestive, not arousing, but as is fitting for a child of God. Any suggestion of sinful behaviour or sexual immorality is to be avoided at all cost. You will likely have seen the warning signs near dangerous cliffs: “Keep away from edge”! So too in a courting relationship, risky behaviour close to the edge of what you think you can get away with will only lead to disaster.
The apostle Peter instructs us that we should instead be “obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lust… but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct” (1 Peter 1:13-15).
My prayer for you is that you will grow to be a man of God, and that your behaviour and interactions with the opposite sex will be to the glory of God, and for both your own and their spiritual benefit. A godly wife is a great blessing and she is worth the careful, prayerful wait.